something small;

i memorized your print in the universe
& it sang sweeter than your quietest lullaby
you hovered in my peripheral, an orbit all within its own galaxy

there was something manic in your gaze that turned
tingles into thunderous vibrations
you were outlined within my mind & even when you’re not there i can pinpoint you

note: this was written 3 years ago but I deemed it unfit and unfinished but now it’s not so bad. perspective is a weird thing, huh?


and it begins… again;

This isn’t anything special. It’s not a poem, a thing updating my life to people who don’t give two fucks, or even a challenge to myself. It’s just me taking the bull by its horns and trying to write again even if it’s nothing special or uplifting nor is it incredibly creative nor all encompassing. I’m writing this to stretch my proverbial wings and see if I still have it in me.


the heart demands

the heart feels

the heart wants & it bleeds & it breaks & it cocoons itself together edge by jagged edge

the heart heals

you want to take the piece that once encompassed you?

sure, i don’t need that anyways

you want to take the cornerstone & pray that my foundation doesn’t shake?

fine, i’ll just grow stronger with what i have left

worshipped & loved & wanted &&&

it was being in a sea of commotion to only be laid out to rest in a desert of cosmic chaos

a million degrees but not a fire not a lamp not a sun to be found

if you can’t find the sun, make the sun &

if you can’t make the sun, be the damn sun yourself


it’s in the shades of your supernova that i reside
& it’s within that shadow that i settle, make my home, &
crawl into silence & secretly be unwanted on the darker spectrum of your soul

you rise in the east & i diverge into the west
i take the beaten path of shade & shadow & desire &
warp it into a fracture of humanity that only I know the limits of

do not worry, little bird, ascend into the stratosphere & i shall remain
here, guarding your home until it’s time for me to take flight & soar into the
depths of the universe

it is only with your light that i exist & it’s only with your light that i
cease in belonging


our memories are said to power us yet
the words that flow are moments of now & not before
& there’s something in the grooves of my fingers that feels like longing
writing out the language of why instead of who & what & when & where & how

& there was something manic in your gaze that turned
tingles into thunderous vibrations
two parts despair & one part desolation with a dash of all-consuming love just hidden under all that lurid anger
& this feeling lives on infinitely within your embrace

& i am the shade of the eclipsed sun & you are the rays that follow


summer lives in your skin & i want to make my home there
sliced open without the desperation of your breath on my lips
or the taste of your soul against mine
memories of us cloud my senses in shades of you.. you.. you

your voice begins with autumn & the echoes resonate
spreading out until it fades & collides with the gravel of space
reverberating particles of our shared spirits into the timeline of the universe
it was supposed to be too big to handle but somehow.. we fit

winter became your heart & it started slow & it started with complete invisibility
war is launched with reasoning, i could not & would not see it
darkness took the light & made a modicum fracture for shadow to seep through
scintillating, it was a homing beacon to ignore less i burned from staring too long

they said your eyes reflected spring & i came to realize it was closer to impersonation
three-hundred-sixty-five days of you still twinkled in the back of my mind & the vapors of your touch caressed me as i dreamed & they say spring is the season of beginnings

summer lives in your skin & i want to make my home there
sliced open without the desperation of your breath on my lips
or the taste of your soul against mine
memories of us cloud my senses in shades of you.. you..

you were the earth until you diminished into eternity


i would have torn down the world if you had asked
your print in the universe would be the only thing left standing
oxygen would have to reinvent itself &
the earth would have to reverse crumble &
molecule after molecule would water come back together

you glowed brighter than the constellations that held you up
& you only shined brighter the farther you stepped &
the time we had with each other blinked out of sight

i only had twenty-five minutes with you when i should’ve had a decade or more
thinking softly to myself
eight years is a long time to love someone when you only had two together

i would have torn down the world if you had asked
(you didn’t ask, so i did not)


i have fought a war of seven billion people
& lust smoldered into heartache & tasted so sweet
this premonition of battle outlasted your life & his life & her life & my life outlasted it all-
happily forsaken

so tell me how
tell me how to feel
tell me how to feel that thing called love that everybody seems to feel
tell me over and over again when the smoke & shades of last time still churned with smoldering ash & all i can think is that love burned everything that i touched

i thought i knew love when i tasted that guy’s lips & this guy’s lips & i guess your lips too
but then your lips charred frigid air & his lips seared dehydrated h2o & all the lips that came (before) & (after) ignited empty flame
i suppose you guys cauterized that wound that each of you pried open with a singular twitch of your collective callous words but
it all tasted of desperation and (before) i thought i knew love and (after) i only knew desolation

regardless of all this i kept you all in the mausoleum called my heart
too bad time turned it into a graveyard that only you folks could invoke &
i murdered your memories & became the serial killer mother always begged me to be

you would have been proud

take a bottle;

you tasted like single-barrel aged whiskey and if i were the sort to get addicted, i would’ve been addicted to you, that
heat liquidized down my throat in a slow molasses crawl
churning and steaming until it settled down for more

it’s too bad that yellow tail moscato came before and left the
impression of sweet, resting in permanence against my tongue
light but thick and syrupy, you were the residue that would not and could not go                                                       away

melancholy rests in the bottom of the bottle of bad decisions known as
jose and when mixed with moscato you are left with disaster in its wake
i still did it anyway and melancholy wasn’t the word for what i felt, it was                             just                                                                                                                            pain

avoiding steps 1 & 2 i moved on to cheap whiskey and you were the start of my cleansing, invigorated when the taste of previous viscous liquid left the sanctity of my being, whiskey was the start of something

single(-barrel aged) whiskey caught up to me slowly and it’s too bad that i’m not the sort to get addicted when
i was too busy already being absorbed by the first step to notice you refining yourself right here beside me

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