It’s a sad day in hell when you realize you don’t really have a best friend. I’m a pretty open person and closed off at all the points that matter, but no one really notices because I give pieces of myself that seem like the entire picture but it’s nothing but the surface.
Most ‘best friends’ I have could easily say that I would do anything for them or go out of my way for them but I don’t think I could say that for a single person I know. I’m great at putting up a facade of “everything is okay” and “I’m happy ALL THE FUCKING TIME” and nobody realizes. Even if I’m upset I play it off as a joke because I don’t want people to be concerned but I DO. I just want somebody to come up to me or text me or call me and ask if I was okay. Because I would say no. Because I would say I’m disintegrating into the ashes of my own failure. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO SCREAM THAT I AM NOT OKAY AND I JUST WANT TO CRY INTO SOMEBODY’S ARMS BECAUSE I’M HERE CARRYING EVERYBODY ELSE’S WEIGHT ON MY SHOULDERS AND I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS AND WANT TO EXPRESS THEM TO A REAL HUMAN BEING, OKAY?
I used to have people I could tell my life too but those bit the dust in dramatic flair and now I’m literally putting all of my emotions into pictures or the poetry I write for someone to just take five seconds and LOOK. AT. ME.
Basically, I just want someone to give a shit about me the way I give a shit about everybody in my life.
listenloudly 