greatest ever;

My greatest and worst memories were always with you. Hanging out in this small town where we grew up in always brings out the best and the worst of the times to the forefront of my brain and it’s like a never ending cycle of melancholic emotion. We run in different circles now, or like I have said before, we have always ran in different circles but now we’re less blinded to the truth.

It feels weird sometimes, the way I don’t think of you everyday or the times that I do think of you it’s an, “Oh, he loved this game.” Past-tense, almost like you’re dead and gone but really we’ve just moved on as far as we can move on from each other. You’re alive and I’m alive but we’re on different spectrums, places, wave-lengths, and while it’s not necessarily sad to see it go, it is very sad in many ways anyway.

I have loved you, hated you, and you are the bar that I will, and have, set every relationship against. You have been my passion, heartache, truth, and desire. Everything of and about you has at one point set my soul aflame in ways that I have not felt since.

Today, you are happy in life. At least, I hope you are. I am glad that you have found some kind of happiness in your life that has kept you going. I will admit that I am a little sad that I am not the one to help you along but I am glad that I was there to help grow with you and see you into this man you are today. I am glad that although I may no longer be a part of your life I had a part in it that nobody else did. I am thankful that even through all the bad times we had together, the good times still ran rampant and that I was part of your journey to who you are today.

Right now, I miss you and tomorrow I might as well. But the next day I will not and for the upcoming months I may not, although there may be times that I will. There will come times in my life in which I will feel down and out and want a good memory to think of and I’ll remember this. You, not as the boy who once broke my heart, but as the boy who showed me how to love and be loved. You will be the boy who became the first person outside of my blood-given family that I chose that chose me back in return. You will, and have been, the standard of love, my love.

If you’re reading this, I hope you know I no longer resent you. If you’re reading this, I hope you know that I am sorry for making you worry and that I am the same even if I am different. Everyday is an adventure and you keep on living your life big. You were always meant for bigger things than this small town. I hope that 2017 is larger than life for you, that the rest of your life is larger than life for you. I hope that you won’t miss me too much if you do miss me and if you don’t miss me, miss me a little because there will always be a part of me that will miss you.  I am selfish enough to admit that at least.

I hope you’re lighting up someone else’s world the way you used to light up mine. I hope you continue to do so and that whomever attaches themselves to you, that you find happiness in them.

Good luck. I have loved you and I have missed you. Knock the world on their feet. I hope you wish me the same.


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